You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have

Nobody fucking cares that I'm here. I'm more alone now than I ever was before. I just want Jonathan here. I need him here.

wow..i haven't been on here in a really long time.. well first to update my last post. They found me innocent, and i was able to keep my job. Good good

I got on here tonight because I had to get feelings out somewhere. First of all, I spent my summer in Texas with Jonathan. It was so unbelievably wonderful to be able to be with him. I missed being with him so very much. My B&N transfer wasn't able to go through, so I had to search for a job when I got down there. I ended up working at a Dippin Dots stand at a waterpark. I was given a leave of absence from B&N and will be going back towards the end of August. My summer with him was good, but being with his grandma was not so good. Apparently, we butt heads a lot and it wasn't fun. It got to the point where I really hated being around her. It made me miss home and it made me miss my friends.

And then something else that bothered me. So, all summer, I had people telling me how much they missed me and how much they wanted me to come home. And how excited they were when I was finally on my way home. And then I got into Bloomington, and it seriously just made me want to cry. It's amazing how things can change in 3 months, I guess. I just felt so out of place, and was so uncomfortable. ANd I felt like people weren't really all that excited to see me. :/ it was like everyone missed me until i was actually back. it made me just wanna go back to Texas with Jonathan. I miss him so much, and I've cried every night since I've been back.

Ugh!! jonathan's mom seriously pisses me off!!!! I'm seriously this (..) close to calling her and bitching her out! When she was pushing and pushing Jonathan to get this job, she made all these promises...she was going to help him move. She was gonna pay for me to come out there and help him move. And when he got down there, she was going to help him get a car. Now she has gone back on everything!! She didn't help him move!! his injured grandmother did!!! I didn't end up going down there, which, in that area, did work out for the best..i didn't really want to, and it gave me a little more time with him. But now she is going back on the car too. She just spent $18,000 CASH on a brand new kitchen....and instead of helping him get a car, she said she can give him $300. Yeah, cuz that's gonna get him far for a car. Ugh. She makes me so angry!!